I am going to get a bit personal today, to take a chance to express my internal longings for the double-purpose of saying out loud what I long for and also helping you connect with what you personally crave for your life, too.
I feel like a brilliant diamond that is covered up, not quite visible or glowing the way it has the potential to be. Mired down in the muck of feeling scared and limited in my skin, I find I’m not sure how to be who I really am. How to be myself and do what I need to do to self-actualize, while not overtaxing myself and overdoing, as is typically for me. Being hyperproductive, exhausting myself, filling each nook and cranny of time to the brim.
I wonder: how do I give myself permission to say no where I need to and move on to the yeses I long for, without undue pain or regret about those choices?
I am so scared to say no to things, as I don’t like disappointing people, but when I think about saying yes and what it will mean for my life I get scared, too.
In an effort to get quiet and ask: what do I truly want? The answer that comes is:
Vibrancy, freedom, blowing the lid off.
Following my bliss, my musings, having a writing practice and making self-expression a daily practice. Cultivating close friendships around me and supporting causes I care about, helping make my clients’ lives more joyful, successful and fulfilling and blended with family, friends and adventures.
Running my growing business in a way that is effective and not personally taxing and allows my family the lifestyle we want, including security and travel opportunities. Healthy living practices including feeling strong in my body and nourished, physically and spiritually. I want to cultivate a natural rhythm of inside and outside work, internal time and external time that honors the ambivert (check out quiet revolution for more info about ambiverts) aspect of me.
Connection and space, conversation and quiet.
I want to be surrounded by team members who enrich my life and my business and love what we are doing, with energy that I feed us all. I have some of this with my terrific in-house team of practitioners, but I want to round it out with people who support the internal workings of my firm too, making me personally feel supported. I want to continue the tradition of effective marketing and lovely graphics and innovative videos and fascinating interviews and just more of the good stuff, less of the bad.
I am tired of being tired, tired of struggling and tired of doubting myself.
I want to have peace in my mind and love in my heart. I want to feel like I’m living every day of my life. I want to have time and resources for my children and joy for and with my husband. I want to have plenty of money in the bank and the ability to be generous with those who support me and the causes I care about, on an ongoing basis, not just once or twice per year.
I want to live out loud, be healthy and strong and push myself to see what I’m truly capable of. I have a feeling I will be amazed when I find the courage to do so.
I am scared by this vision. I am energized by it too. I am feeling scared to take the steps forward into it. I am a natural builder who wants to create new things; I want to make my life resemble the way it is in my dreams. It is not about material things, it is about experiences and peacefulness and love and connection and adventure. It is about being present and loving what is and choosing to not get in my own way, more and more. Not wasting time doubting what I am capable of, just forging the path ahead to create what I long for in the world and in my life.
I wonder what I will be capable of if I really go for it? How much of an impact can I make? What do I need to say no to in order to say yes to the wonderful adventure that is possible in my life? What will I be writing about a year from now, be thankful for and planning for and loving what my life – and business –has become?
I am afraid, and I am excited. I am not ready, and I am also exquisitely prepared and equipped in this moment.
And so I utter this prayer to the universe and to my internal guide: please give me the courage to follow the path of living a life on purpose, blinders off, on fire and full of love, hope and spirit and space for this new life chapter I long to write.
So that is what is going on for me, as this year draws to a close and we take the time to celebrate the holidays. I’m wondering, what do you long for, as the new year is upon us? I would love to hear.