Several days this past week I’ve woken in the middle of the night mid-dream.
The dream takes various forms: I’m lost in a building and can’t find my way out, or I’m trying to check out of a hotel but can’t pack my things fast enough to check out in time, are a couple of examples. I wake up in a sweat, and have trouble going back to sleep.
My sleep has not been restful these past few weeks.
When I think about these anxiety dreams, logically, I know where they come from. They are about all the changes going on in my life right now, personally and professionally. The changes are good ones, stemming from a purposeful life choice my husband and I made: early this year he resigned his full-time position to join me in my company.
No wonder I’m working it out in my sleep!
During the day it’s been a flurry of integrating him into the operation, a company that although I’ve employed an in-house set of practitioners over the past couple years has had me integrally involved in every back office aspect since inception, from bookkeeping to invoicing to customer service to administration.
I’ve employed various helpers at different times, and employ a terrific set of supportive contractors, some of whom service my clientele and some who support me at the back of the house. However, it is something entirely different to have a full partner working alongside me in the office, teasing apart how I’ve always done things in order to optimize the flow so that things are efficiently run. Someone who knows me intimately, finishes my sentences, and is absolutely my opposite temperament-wise but who is my life partner, my one and only.
It is both freeing and terrifying to enter this new phase of our life together.
Having a long-held dream come true is a trippy experience. It is so wonderful to see my kids spending lots of time with their dad, a man who used to work up to 12 hours per day, often leaving home at 4am for his 24/7-type job. I see the positive impact on all of them, and it makes me smile.
And, it is filling me up with joy and certainty that this is the way we’re meant to live, because I truly can not imagine a lifestyle better than this. It is amazing to fully integrate my home and work life, to have such support backing me so that I can do the things that I long to do professionally and grow the company so we can reach even more people to help them live more fulfilling professional lives.It is also incredibly scary, to be living this life. There are risks…and they seem worth it.
I find that one of the strongest ways to be a good coach is to walk your talk.
With this change, I’m noticing that I’m showing up even more authentically with my clients and business colleagues than I used to. I’m in it, full-bore. I hold a certainty that this is my path. The chatter in my head is noticeably absent, and I feel like my cherished values are being honored in the way I’m walking through life now.
I’m not going to lie, though. I’m super tired by the end of the week. It’s a lot of energy going out from me to hold the space of my company supporting our family financially. I’m learning more each day about running an optimized business. I am finding that, more than ever, my grounding practices including my exercise regimen with my personal trainer, are integral to me being able to walk through my days. There is no way for me to hold all the joy, fear, risk, and possibility otherwise.
And so, I am being compassionate with myself as I find my way through this transition.
The anxiety dreams don’t mean that I’m lacking, or that we will not be successful in our endeavor. Instead, they are an invitation for me to relax even more into the reality that I am enough, just as I am. And that regardless of what happens next, that this is an important, vital moment to be cherished.
With my birthday just behind me, I find myself feeling proud that we have taken this step together, and want to share the news with you. You can read more about Kevin’s background here. We are living intentionally, my husband and I, joining forces as a formidable team, to carve a path through life and work that feels full of what is most important to us. This is truly a year of creating, and embracing, flow in all aspects of our lives.